Confessions of the Pastor’s Wife: Prickly Pears: The Judgment Dilemma

A little while ago, my husband called me on his way home from church and told me that a good friend would be stopping by as he made his way through town. We live right off an Interstate highway in the middle of Missouri, so it’s very easy for people to just pass through. My husband was really excited, almost giddy, that his good buddy would be coming by, as he doesn’t always have a lot of opportunities to just hang out with his closest friends. I, however, was less than enthused–not at seeing our friend–he’s great. But the boys’ school things were scattered across my office, the TV console was dusty, there was dog hair everywhere, and the kitchen counter was piled with a weird assortment of old newspapers, holiday mailers, Halloween candy, dog medicine, a tin of dominoes, and, I kid you not, a couple of glow bracelets. And that doesn’t even take into account the boys’ areas. All I can say to that particular domain of the house is, teenage boys are gross.

So, to say I was enthused about an unexpected guest would be a stretch. All I really felt at the moment my husband called was a huge heaping spoonful of not good enough. And that prickly pear sensation grew within me as I realized that very soon, I was going to be judged.

Do you know that prickly pear sensation of imminent judgement approaching? It’s like when the cartoon character standing on the sidewalk looks up and sees a grand piano falling from a sixth story window right above him. He knows he’s doomed, but all he can do is stand and watch. The thought that someone is going to judge me sends my amygdala into overdrive (the brain’s emotional processing center) and makes me what to hunker down under the covers, defeated by my own insecurity and wallowing in a wave of self-pity. You would think, as someone who works with a team of editors, I would have gotten beyond that by now.

As a woman, I think I’m not alone in my irrational fear of being judged. History has not been kind to us in that department. I remember a highly intelligent and successful woman telling me once that I fear people judging me because they are. Like, that’s just the way of life for women. But I wonder…is that really true? Or are we all so caught up in our own insecurities that we see perceived threat around every office mixer/bathroom stall/PTA meeting/Zoom conference?

But regardless of whether the judgement is real or perceived, the fact remains that we can get a little to a lot nutty over it, and miss out on some God-orchestrated blessings. While I was frantically running around the living room folding blankets, digging random socks from the couch cushions, organizing counter junk into piles, I felt God telling me to chill out. Our friend was not going to judge my housekeeping abilities, and if I kept stressing about it I was going to completely miss the joy of spending time in fellowship with a friend–which, as we all know, is a true blessing. I remembered the above Scripture, from Galatians, in which Paul exhorts believers not to seek after human approval, but to seek the approval of God.

I think it’s safe to say that most of the things I worry about being judged over matter zero to God. I mean, can you imagine asking God if your jeans make your muffin-top stick out too much? I think the response would be, “Get over yourself and clothe those in need.” The same with the house. While I worry about what people might think about being covered in blankets of dog hair, God is more interested in the billions of people on Earth living in poverty with no blanket of anything to cover them. Getting stressed over being judged is self-centered, and God calls us as disciples to be Christ-centered. Jesus didn’t judge those whom everyone else judged, and he didn’t particularly care that he was being judged by those he called hypocrites, snakes, and whitewashed tombs.

When I let fear of judgement influence my decisions, I’m likely trying to please others and not God. I’m also likely completely missing something God has placed before me, be it a blessing or a task. It’s not that we shouldn’t care what people think–Paul exhorts the early Christians to always try and present Christ in a positive light to others–it’s just that we should care about what God thinks more. We are God’s representatives; therefore, our concerns should be whatever God’s concerns are. And if we’re focused on God’s concerns, there will be neither time nor space for fears of judgement.

Instead of worrying about a semi-messy house, I give thanks for shelter and the people who share the mess with me (and cause most of it, boys!). Instead of worrying about how people are going to judge my appearance when I lead worship at church, I give thanks for the opportunity to share my love of God with others. Instead of worrying that the bus driver thinks I spend my day eating bon bons and sipping chardonnay because I’m still in my robe when he gets to our neighborhood, I give thanks that God has opened career doors for me so that I can use the skills he gave me to make a living from my home office. And instead of worrying that all of the other moms at PTA meetings think my kids are weirdos, I give thanks for the precious gift of my children, who are really weirdos.

In the end, I can’t change how people perceive me. But I can change my response to that. And I can ask God to show me the way.

Blessings and Peace, Sara

Mission

To make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world.

Vision

Nelson Memorial UMC seeks to be a place where all God’s broken, hurting, and imperfect children discover wholeness and community while experiencing the warm and welcoming love of Jesus Christ.  We seek to connect with one another to grow in our knowledge and love of God, to encourage each person to live out their unique calling to serve God, and to make a difference in the Boonville community and throughout the world.

Priorities

Developing and Nurturing Faith in Children and Youth

Fostering Growth and Community in Worship and Small Groups

Provide Opportunities to Serve God in Boonville and Beyond

Worship This Sunday

This Sunday in worship we will continue observing the season of Advent.  Our message series is titled “He Shall Be Called,” exploring the different titles for God in the prophesy from Isaiah chapter 9.  This week our message is on the title “Mighty God.”  This week our scripture reading will be from the Gospel of Luke, chapter 8, verses 22 through 25:

One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.”  So they got into a boat and set out.  As they sailed, he fell asleep.  A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.  

The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”

He got up and rebuked the wind and all the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.  “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this?  He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.” 

This Sunday we will begin our service with the song– Rescuer – by Rend Collective.  Our hymns this Sunday are Hail to the Lord’s Anointed & O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.  Our praise song this week is Even So, Come.  Our choir will provide the prelude at the 10:20 service with the song Go Tell It On the Mountain.

Virtual Worship Information

In addition to in-person worship, each Sunday we will live-stream our 10:20 worship service. The service can be viewed on our Facebook Page.  The service will start approximately 10:25 after the gathering song.  We will continue to post a recording of our message each week to our website by early Sunday afternoon.  We are excited to be able to extend our worship services in these ways.

COVID Updates

At our most recent Administrative Board meeting, the board reviewed COVID numbers in the state and Cooper and Howard counties, and our congregation’s current practices. The Board affirmed the decision to remove the seating restrictions in the Sanctuary.  All pews are now open for seating.  Worshipers are encouraged to wear masks if they prefer or if they are not feeling well.  Masks remain optional for everyone and encouraged for those who are not fully vaccinated.  The Board is committed to continuing to monitor the latest COVID conditions and will discuss any further changes at upcoming meetings.

Announcements

2021 Angel Tree – Just a reminder we will need the children’s gifts back in the sanctuary no later than Sunday, Dec. 5, for the dedication of the gifts.  The Angel Tree party will be on Saturday, Dec. 11th at 11:00 a.m., beginning with a short message in the Sanctuary and soup and sandwiches to follow in the fellowship hall.  Everyone is invited to join with us in fellowship with our “angels.”   Please make plans to join us in this very special ministry to our church.  As always, we are so grateful for the way in which our church family supports this Matthew 25 ministry to the children of incarcerated parents.

Decorating for Christmas – Thank you to everyone who helped with decorating our Sanctuary for the Advent season.  All the help made it quick and a lot of fun.  Also, a special thank you to the youth group for their help in carrying everything to the Sanctuary!

Living Nativity – Our Living Nativity Christmas Eve tradition will continue this year and your help is needed.  We are looking for people to be our “actors” in a “still scene” as part of this experience.  We are planning on have actors present from about 3:45 pm until around 5:00 pm, then another group from about 6:15 pm until our service begins at 7:00 pm, and back out there following the service for about 30 minutes.  Each group will need 6 – 10 people.  Please let Pastor Chris know if you are able to help.

Salvation Army Bell-Ringing – We still need two more slots filled from 12:00 – 1:00 and 1:00 – 2:00 to ring the bells at Walmart on Saturday, December 11th.  If you would like to take an hour, a sign-up sheet will be in the East Wing Narthex (where we serve refreshments after worship).  The money gathered will be available to local residents in need.  Child volunteers are welcome, but will need an adult present.

Christmas Program – This year’s Christmas Program, “Stories of a Savior,” will be performed on December 19th during the 10:20 service. The story of our Savior does not start with His birth…it starts back with Adam and Eve and our NEED for a Savior. Come watch Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham, David, Mary, Simeon, and Anna all tell their stories of a Savior.  Rehearsals take place during Children’s Church (10:20 service).

Important dates for children involved:

12/5/21 – Quick run through after 10:20 service

12/12/21 – Dress rehearsal after 10:20 (Pizza served for lunch). 

12/19/21 – Production 

Christmas Families – Many area families are struggling this year, and are having difficulty providing Christmas for their loved ones.  Therefore, we have adopted several families for Christmas.  The tags on the Giving Tree for the month of December are gift wishes for the children in those families.  Please help us to provide for these children by selecting a tag, purchasing a gift and bringing it, wrapped, to church by December 19th.  We greatly appreciate your help and Christian Love and helping these families to have a more joyful and blessed Christmas.  If there are any questions, please feel free to call Pastor Chris.  Thank you!

Christmas Poinsettias – Those of you that would like to purchase a poinsettia in memory of or in honor of a loved one, please fill out the enclosed form in your bulletin.  The list will be in the December 19th bulletin.  Please deliver the form to the church by December 12th.  Please make checks payable in the amount of $14.00 to Nelson Memorial, UMC, and in the memo line write poinsettia.  Thank you!

Christmas Cards for NMUMC Elders & Friends – We are asking the congregation to mail out Christmas cards to the following names below.  The addresses for the names listed will be located on the table in the back area of the Sanctuary.  We will also have a supply of Christmas cards for you, if you need them.    

Events this week:

Saturday, December 4: Community Christmas Parade, meet at 12:20, Church Garage,

CMCA Care Basket Distribution, 2:00 pm, Fellowship Hall

Sunday, December 5: Christmas Program run-through, following 10:20 service, Sanctuary

Monday, December 6: TOPS, 9:30 am, Foundations Classroom

Al-Anon, 8:00 pm, Fellowship Hall

Tuesday, December 7: Congregational Care Team, 7:00 pm, Lounge

Wednesday, December 8: Women’s Bible Study, 10:15 pm, Lounge

Al Anon, Noon, Church Lounge

Thursday, December 9: Praise Band Practice, 6:00 pm, Sanctuary

Friday, December 10: Al Anon, 7:00 pm, Fellowship Hall

Saturday, December 11: Methodist Men, 8:30 pm, Sanctuary

Salvation Army Bell Ringing, 10:00 am – 6:00 pm, Walmart

Angel Tree Party, 11:00 am, Sanctuary and Fellowship Hall

Sunday, December 12: Christmas Program dress rehearsal, following 10:20 service, Sanctuary

Closing Words of Wisdom:

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” Sir Edmund Hillary